


Better the Evil You Know

by Thus



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Brian for President, Transcendence AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 04:29:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thus/pseuds/Thus
Summary: Brian the Organ Duck runs for president of the united states.Several new supreme court cases are poofed into existence and a summoning incantation is created.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Happy Birthday Transcendence AU! I remember when you were just a little one month old baby, oh how time flies!  
> Well, its a couple days late, but every single one of you enabled me!  
> If any of you notice that the dates or time frames don't match up with our canon, then let me know and I'll work on correcting it.  
> Cross posted on tumblr[here](http://thusmylife.tumblr.com/post/151968359607/better-the-evil-you-know)  
> And without further ado, I give to you the Presidential Election of 2084!

Good afternoon everyone I'm Linda Rodriguez from Ox News 8. Today is Thursday October 12, 2084, and our top news story today is on presidential candidates Senator Harriet Aloysius of Nevada and Demon Brian the Organ Duck. While most of the debate focused on Senator Aloysius' remarks that Brian the Organ Duck is "a literal demon why is he still in the running for the presidency" and "is he even an American citizen how is this legal" what truly captured the American people's focus was how Organ Duck was able to stay on topic of questions voiced by the moderators and in panel guests. Whenever Senator Aloysius sought to interrupt, Organ Duck started to ooze a liquid of unknown origin onto the debate floor causing the Senator to stop speaking in aw.

* * *

 

July 4, 2084

Portland Tribune

On the Fourth of July, Independence Day, Demonic Presidential Candidate Brian the Organ Duck was seen with infamous Portland Mafia boss Don Pines of The Dinner Crew having what appeared to be a friendly conversation over dinner in Gabriel Park. When asked for a statement Don Pines claimed that the invitation for dinner had been presented to him and was "nothing more than a friendly chat." Don Pines stated that he only knew Organ Duck through his mother, Mabel Pines AKA Mizar the Gleeful. Brian the Organ Duck was unable to be reached for comment.

* * *

 

“Organ Duck! Organ Duck” the reporters clambered over each other trying to get his attention post debate. Brian stood on the sidewalk outside of the room used for the debate at The University of Texas at Austin.

“How did you secure the Democratic National Committees’ nomination? Did you make a deal with their CEO?”

“Are you legally allowed to run for president as a demon?”

“Organ Duck! I’ve heard stories of you being accidentally summoned and then helping your summoners with their illnesses! Care you comment?”

“What do you think of allegations being made by Republican Presidential Candidate Aloysius calling you I quote ‘unfit to serve the American peoples’ because of your demonic nature, and that once sworn in you will consume the souls of all who voted for you?”

Brian froze and stared at the last reporters question. Mucus and blood pulsating out of every orifice. The reporters using all their will power to not gag at the smell of sewage and biohazards released.

Brian opened his beak to speak and static loud as thunder came out, followed by earsplitting silence, and finally the chaotic frequency that accompanied all demons when they spoke. The eye contact lingered with each journalist simultaneously.

“I̋̋ͥ̎͂ͦ̈́ ̡̋ͮ̎̽̈ḧ̿̈́a̶ͣ̽̈v̇͝e̴͂̋̓̍ͭͧ̚ ͆ͦ̃̓ͬa ̑̆̓͗͊͊҉s̵̽̿ͤ̓t͂̒͞a͒̅tͬͪͤ͛ͫ͊e̴m͢eͪ́nͪ̂̈͆͢t͆ͮͥ͐ ͣ͑t͋͌̅̉̽̏oͪͫ̾ ̏͗ͨͪ͡m̆ͦ̕aͦ͛k̸ͫ̔͐̋eͨ.̶̓ͥ” He droned, voice mimicking what he typically used in when speaking to humans. Light demonic buzz, like a malicious Eeyore. The journalist scrambled with their equipment. Lights flashing to record and capture the moment.

“Í ̴h̡ave ̶be͘en ́c͢al̸led̨ ̡m͘a̸ny t̷hi̶ǹgs ͏dưr͘i̴n͏g͏ ̵t̢h͏i̛s̶ ̕e̴l͜e̡ction.̶” He continued pulsing. “Itͯͪͬͧ̏͒̿ ́̇̔̌w̓ͮ̂͊̓̒aͫ̽͗̃͋̈̚s̆̚ ̂̽̿̐͐̄ͨťwͧ̈͂ͦͫ̄ͥe͑̒̔̀̽ͪ̅n̽tͭͦ̃̏́ͨ͒ẙ̓̑ ̓͂̌͌͂o̓̎͛̚f̆̓ͥ ͣyo͑ͤ̾ͣu̍ͣ̏̈́̚r͌͊ͥ̊́ ̅y̑́̀ͫͪ̐ȇ̊̐a̽̆ͣ̈́ͨrͩsͬ̈́̽ͦ̍̈́ ̋̐̎aͪ̀g̓͂ͦ̅͗̅̚ỏ̿̂̈ͧ̑̓ ͊ͩthaͤͨ̈́́̈́t̊̾̌͑̆ͨͩ ͋̃̾̽m̔͒ͥ͛͑yͭ͊͊ ͒s̍͐̐͑uͬmͮ̄ͦ̍̌mͧ̚o͒ͫ͌ͪninͯ̔ͬ̉̋̍ͥǵ̓ͬ b̿ͩ̓eͭ͊ͨ̈c̀͊am̐ͨ̃ͮͥe͌ͫ̈̿̀ͥ̚ ͫ̆̏f̀ͭͨ̈́ŕ̒ẻ͊́́̿qͩu͐͑eͯͥ̿̍͐̇̓ń̃͊͆̿̚t̿.ͧ̅̂̚̚ ͯͤ̄̒͆B͑ͯ̓̚yͧͩͮ̐ ͥ̌͐͌t̂ͧͬͬͭ͆ͫh̾̉ͥ̈́ͭ̄ò͛͌̐ṡ͛͐̈́e͗ͧ́͛ ̋i̐͊ͪ̋nͨ ͦ̋tͦ͒̐̑͌͊ĥͧͦi͆ͨ͌ͦ̉͋s ͣͣ̎ͧͯ̌̐co̽ͫ̏ͨͧ̃ü̃nͤtr̆̔̿ͥ̉́͑y͒̀̆̊͐.̍̅͌ͭ̅” His power could be felt surrounding them, edging on suffocation. “The he̷althc͝a̧re̕ s̸y̴stem͏ in͜ th͏e͠ ̷c͘oun͟try ͘i͘s͘ ̸in͢ ́s͢h͜amble͘ś. Cơn̕troll̡ed̀ b҉y ̶t͝ho̷se̴ ͠who͟ ̢b͝eli̧ev͏e ̢it̀ ̴to̶ be͏ a ̴l͜ux̕u̸r̷y͢ ͝and̸ ͜n̕ot ̶th̢e͢ n̡ece͘s̀s̵it̕y̵ ͘it̴ ̧is.”

“Organ Duck,” his campaign manager whispered next to him, hands balled into fists at her sides, “I would advise against unwritten speeches at this time. RNC is seeking to crucify you by any means.”

“I͘ ̡have ̢n͘o ẃor͡r̛ies ̢ab̀out ͠c͟r̨uc͡if͞ixio̡n, M͝ş. ͠So̴lanác̡eac̢e̕.̢ T̴h҉e̢y ̧w͏il̴l̕ şay w̴hat̢ t̵he̵y҉ ̸w̵il͞l say̛ ̴ab̷ou͘t ̡b̵e͏ n̨o̢ ̸m͟at͞ter̛ my ac̷t͠ioņs҉.͘ The̸y̷ ͡fear ̧what ͝i҉s di͞fferęn͘t f҉r̶o͘m͝ t̕he͠ir͘ ̡sel͟f ̛im̕posed͢ ̢d͢e̛f͟i͠n̢i͟tions͏ ͏o̧f ͜nor͜ma̴lcy҉.҉”

“If you believes its for the best, sir.”

Brian nodded slightly in response before resuming his attention to the growing herd of journalist.

“ I͝ hav͜e ̢b̧e̷e̶n̷ s̷u̧mmo̶ned ͠b̶y̕ ̧m͟an͞y͡ ̧who̴ s͡oug̨h̢t ̀h͝elp ̴f̷ro͞m̵ ano̢th̡er̡ ͠dȩmo̷n̢ ͞but̀ f͝o̕und͠ themse̛lv̀es ̶wi͢th m͠e.͞ Child̷ ́wi̛t̡h͏ de̵adl̛y ̡i̵ll̶n̴e͜śses, ća̛nc͠ers,̷ t͟u͠m͢or̶s,͢ ͏g̡en̵e͠t͞i̶c͏ ̵d̴efe͝c̛tş,͝ i͡njurie͜s҉ t̷hat wo̧u̷l͡d͞ ̢c̶au͞s҉e t̡he͏m un͠ḑo̧ pa͠i͞n f̡o̷r̷ ̸l̸i͞fe͢ ̢o̶r̡ cripp̢le th̡ems͏e͢lves or͞ famil͞ies̶ wit͏h͢ debt͟.̀ ͜This͝ c͡a̸use̡d me ̛to b͝ècome͟ t̷he pa͘t͢r͞on̕ de̷m͟on ̛of͘ th͢e i̧l̵l. ͡Th͞e m̡ai̡n̷ ̡p̀lat͢fo̷r͏mś ̀m̶y̡ ̵candid͝acy̵ a͟d̕d͜ress are h̨e̡a̕ĺt̢h̸c͘àre ̷ref́orm a͘n̛d̀ ͏th͡e ͜f͝or̷g̨ivi͜ng ͠o̡f̀ de͞b͏t̨ ͝i͞nc̀urr͢e͠d b͢y t͝hos͞e ̀who̸ sou͜gh҉t̀ m̷edi̴c̢al̀ c҉a̕r̕e a̡nd ̡stude͠n͞t̵s̸ ͝b̵y ̀w͡ay̕ of ͝tuit̴i͜o̷n͝ ąnd̡ ̸st͜u҉den̴t ̨dèbts̕. ͡

“The ͏q͟uest͡io͘n of ҉m͞y l͠e͠ga̕l̵ity ҉tò ͏run̡ ̢i͟n ́thís҉ p̸r̢esid̡e͟n̵ti͡al͟ r͟a͡c͟e ͞b͝a͟sed̛ ón ̢m͟y ͝s͜p̷eci͘es̵ is̷ ǹo͠t͏h͠i̷n̢g ҉n̵éw͟.̷ It has͘ ̡b͘een ̢ques̨tio͟n̶e͞d si͢nc̡e Ì ͜a̕nn̨ou͡ńc̨ed͞ ̡m͠y̨ de̷sir̷e̛ to ̨r͜un̛ ̕in̢ F̶ebruary͡ ͞o͜f 2081͘. A͠s͠ ̕o͞f͘ ҉2͡049 in ̶t͟he ̷S͡up͢r͠e̡me ͘Cour̡t ͟case of Vílka͜c̴i̡s ̸v.͘ ͢T̕he Únited ̵S̛t͘at̛e͞s͠ ̧of ҉Am̀e̶ri̢c̷a̛,̡ ҉i̴t͜ ͘waś ͘fo̸u̷n̶d̡ unco̢nstit̷ution͢al ̢t͡o de̢ny͠ t̛h͏e͜ r͢i͞gh̨ts o̵f ́a̕ ̶pr͏e̛t͘e̢rnat̸u͡r͝a̢l ͟be̢i͠n͏g͟ t̷o ̨en̨ter ̵i̶n̢to͝ ͞posi̵ti͝ons ̛o̢f g̶ove̡r̵nmen͘t. ͞Tw̵o ̧year̸s͏ l̨ąte̛r in̴ ̶20̛5̡1 t͞h̨ere ̴w̨as̛ ͠an͘ǫt̸he͏r͟ ̸case o̢f G̢ȩni̕us͠ Loci͞ ̵of ͜Las ͠Veg̡as v. ͜The͞ ̨U̶ni̧t͏ed ͟S͟ta̵t̸eş ͟of A̸mer̀i̴c̡an̡ ͡wh͡e̴r̶e͢ thȩ emb̷o̸di҉m͘ent ͠of̸ La̷s ͏V̶e͝gas̛ ͏p̵etít͏i̴o̵ņed̸ for̡ itself ͘an҉d aĺl G͜e̡n̢i̵us̕ ҉Lo̴ći͏ to͘ ͏bé gív̀en ̢th͞e s̵a̛mę u̸nal҉ie͏n͝a͟bl̕e ̢ri͟gh͡ts̡ as t̡h̴e o̧t̷h̡e̶ŗ ̕cr͟ea̕tu̢r̢e͏ w͞h̨ǫ exist bot̴h̶ o͞n͢ ́t͘h̵is ̛pl̛a͞in in̴ th͜is͏ ̛şp͠eci͘fi͡ed͟ ҉l̢oc͠atio̢n a̴n̶d̕ ͞i͏n̨ a͜n̕ot̀he̛r͘ ͡sim͏ul̵tan̸eo̧ùsl͞y.̧ ̵Ĺat̸e͜r̴ ̵it ̨wa͟s ͝a̕meņd͡ed ͜t̵o͢ ̡in͝çl̵ưd͟e ͠ot͜h͠e̸r pret̸e̛r̕na҉t̵ura͜l҉ cŕeat͠ure͞s͝ ̶as w̧e̡l̀l,͘ ̧i̵n̢c͝l͠ud̵i̷n͢g ҉Dęmoǹs̵ ͘u̵p͡ tó ͞a҉ c̕e̕r̡t̢ain҉ p̷owȩr ̴ćlas͜s;̡ ̡to̵ w̛h͝i͞c̨h̕ ͢I̸ f̴a̡l̕l i̕nţo.͠

“I̵ wo̸ul̴d fíņd̵ ̨no sa͞tìs̵f̸àc͞tìǫn in wi͏n͏n̛i̶n̵g my ҉cu̷rr̨ent͝ pos͢i͞ti̵on ͠ẁh̷e̶r̴e įt n͠o̶t do̶nè bý t̡h̶e͠ le͟g̛ąl ̕çh͏a̵n͜ne͟ls͝ of ͠t͡hi͝s̴ g͝ov̛er̀ńm҉ent,͝ ̷s̨o҉ ̛by̶ m̡y͡ ̛own͡ po̡w҉ér an͠d̶ in̴f́ļu͘en̛ce ̡t̡h̛ere w̛ere ̕no d͞ea͠ls made͡ with̕ ͜in҉ ̀power a̸t̨ tḩȩ ҉DN̛C҉ t́h̢ro̷ug͠h͢ d̀e̕mon͝i͏c de͡al̡s for͝ ͡my̷ nom͞in͜a̡tion t̀o͜ m̧y͏ kn͡owle̢d͘g̴e. ̴An̶d ͠a͜s͝ f͟o͠r ̀S̵e̛n̢at̀or ͠Al̀oys͠iu͏s͞,” he stopped pulsing momentarily, “any͢ on̡e w̧h͟o̡ h̡as ̨taken a ̵d͘em̛on̶o͡l̢ogy 10̕1 co͜ur͞sę,͘ ̴w͡hi͜c̕h ͝is̷ re̷quire͝d a̛t̶ e͏vér͏ỳ u̵n̕i̢ve̸rsi̸ty̧ and c͘ol͜l̴ege ̧i̶n̵ thi҉s c̵ou̢n͠t͢ry ̷a͡s̡ g̛eneral͜ ̕ed͠uc̵at҉io͡n̸,́ ̸wóul͟d ͘k͟n̸ow that a d͠e҉mon ̷o͢f͟ ̸m͜ỳ ̧po̸w̸er class̛ co̸uld n͢o͜t͟ e͡asi͡l͟y ͞t̨ake ̵the soul͞ òf a͜n̨o̧ther̡ ͠w̸iţh a d̡ea̕ĺ ̕m͢a̡de ͟be̛t̀wȩe͏n̶ ͏t͢h͞e̸ ͏ṕa̸rtie̷s̵.” Brian’s orifices stopped oozing, leaving the mess covering the sidewalk and dripping slowly into the gutters fifty meters away. “Tha͝t ͘i̶s ͜a͞ll I ha̴v̶e t̢o s̴a̸y̡ fo̕r n͜o͝w̵.” And with a last burst of mucus Brian the Organ Duck left.

 

* * *

Two new anchors sat at their shared desk in front of the camera waiting to go live. It was Election Day Tuesday the 7th of November, 2084. Their coffee was steaming, carefully placed away from the papers in front of them. The studios lights dimmed and the track lights settled, the camera went live.

“Hello and good morning,” the first host said “I’m Marc Kolkata”

“And I’m Emma Rodgers. Welcome to BMM news. Today is Election Day and we will be reporting all day as votes are counted.”

“Thats right, Emma. The Presidential Race between Senator Harriet Aloysius of Nevada and Demon Brian the Organ Duck has been anything but boring this year.”

“Almost makes you wishful for the Election of 2016 doesn’t it Marc?”

“Oh not on my life! My grandparents are still talking about that election!”

“I’d believe it, it didn’t go down in history books as the most interesting election of the early twenty-first century for nothing.”

“Well, if I had any say in it, I’d think that this year would replace it faster than the Alcor Virus could decimate a country!”

“Oh don’t remind anyone about that Marc. Currently Brain the Organ Duck is calculated to have a 12% lead over Senator Aloysius nation wide. Which is surprisingly down 6% since it was calculated last week. Could it be possible that people are having second thoughts about Organ Duck?”

* * *

 

“Senator Aloysius! What do you think your chances are like against a candidate like Organ Duck?”

“I think its preposterous that we The American People could allow that thing to get this far in the race. Have they no shame? No sense of morality? No fear of God? I was raised a good christian by two God fearing women. And a demon running for President is a ludicrous as a cat being Mayor!”

“Well actually Senator-“

“I encourage all God fearing, red blooded Americans to go out and lobby their assemblymen until this injustice is overturned! Do not let this demon succeed in poisoning our children’s minds. Together we can foil his nefarious plans. Together we can have a future to be proud of!”

* * *

 

“Good Morning viewers! I’m Linda Rodriguez and today I’m here with the director of the Secret Service Chrissy Novell. Am I pronouncing that correctly? No-vel?”

“Nov-veil, actually.”

“Well, thank you for being here tonight Ms. Novell.”

“I’m glad to be here. Thank you for having me.”

“Tonight I have one question thats been eating at me for months now, as I’m sure it has others, and that is: Is the Secret Service qualified to guard a President who is a Demon? Wouldn’t there be a risk of Organ Duck periodically disappearing under your watch to summonings should be win the election?”

“We have been working on this possibility for a while now, and while we are confident in our abilities to protect him, we are currently working with his service detail to refine our strategies. All of which are classified for the… protection of the candidate.”

“The protection of the literal demon.”

“Yes, the literal demon. Just as his slogan states, better the evil you know.”

* * *

 

November 2, 2084

Portland Tribune

Today we were finally able to reach a statement form Don Pines about his feelings about Presidential Candidate Brian the Organ Duck, as you may recall the two had a conversation over dinner this past Independence Day. Don Pines stated that he thought Brian was a “Cool Dude” and when asked if that is who he would be voting for, we received a shrug and an easy smile. “I agree with Brian’s policies and every thing he stands for. I can’t think of a single reason to not vote for him.”

* * *

 

“Welcome back everyone I’m still Marc Kolkata and this is still Emma Rodgers."

“About half of the states have voted now, and the race is still going strong. Candidate Organ Duck is currently leading with 180 electoral votes and Candidate Senator Aloysius is trailing at 167. We will keep you informed as the night progresses.”

* * *

 

August 19, 2084

Portland Tribune

A little over a month after Brian the Organ Duck’s visit to Portland he announced his running mate for the Presidential Election. His running mate is fellow demon Dave the Slug Demon. The two have been reported to have been friends for quite some while now, and are both very excited to be working together. When Dave the Demon Slug was reached for comment his skin flashed a plethora of colors a sweet smelling fragrance was released. We were later told by Organ Duck’s campaign manager Ms. Solanaceace that Dave’s display, when translated for humans to understand, meant that “He was very excited about the news being announced and looks forward to creating a future in America’s history where preternatural beings and humans can exist as two sides of the same coin and not have to worry about specisim and bigotry blinding them.

Senator Harriet Aloysius also announced her running mate, councilman Sylvester Welwratn of Ohio.

* * *

 

“Good evening viewers, and what a day this Election Day has been.”

“You can say that again, Mr. Kolkata. The final Election results are in Senator Harriet Aloysius finished the day with 268 Electoral votes”

“And with exactly 270 Electoral Votes, everyone our new President Elect Brian the Organ Duck!”

* * *

 

January 20th 2085

Inauguration Day

Capital Building, Washington DC

“Today we welcome in a new era in American history,” Chief Justice Theodosia Red Sky announced, “For today we welcome in our new President Elect, a President unlike any other in our history. Our first President of direct preternatural descent, and our fourth Vice President of direct preternatural descent.” She paused for a moment as the audience applauded. “Without further ado, we shall begin the swearing in of our new Vice President, Dave the Demon Slug.” Dave was carried up to the stage by the secret service, for having waited for him to arrive on his own would have taken hours, and was set onto the podium next to Chief Justice Red Sky. A small unnecessary microphone was clipped to the bow tie he wore, and interpreters of all languages stood by.

“Dave the Demon Slug, please state your intentions under oath to swear loyalty to the American peoples, to defend them, and assuage their fears to the best of your ability.”

Dave glowed, colors dripping on and off of him moving through dimensions. The colors mixed together as they danced between the fabrics of realities, shimmering in the drab outdoor lighting like a disco ball. Most colors incomprehensible to human eyes and not quite existing. The light show continued on for several minutes before suddenly stopping with no fanfare. The interpreters struggling to find the correct way to translate among themselves, notebooks glanced at and changes made before one was selected and moved up to the podium besides the Vice President.

“Vice President, Chief Justice Red Sky,” they nodded addressing them, “If I may translate?”

“Please do Mx. Jefferies.” The Vice President nodded as well.

They took the microphone, not looking at the audience just their notes, and spoke. “I, Dave the Demon Slug, do so solemnly affirm by the powers that be, to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States, against all who stand to oppose it, be they domestic or foreign. To keep it safe of our enemies and amend it as needed by the will of the public and courts. I shall honor this nation’s integrity through faith in its system of justice and pledge myself to uphold its standards. I seal my self into this contract of free will for the next four years, and then an additional four should re-election be chosen. Under this contract I swear to the inhabitants of this country to do no unjust harm to its people or those with whom we seek or currently have diplomatic relations. When the time comes to vacate my office I shall do so in the same way I entered it. By the powers of Alcor do I swear to this binding contract, and so shall set the deal.”

The crowd slowly began to clap, unused to such a long oath for the Vice President. They again, some of them realized, he is a demon after all, and for them contracts of allegiance would be exceptionally more binding.

Chief Justice Theodorsia Red Sky smoothed out her skirt and retook the podium, smiling to Mx. Jefferies and Vice President Demon Slug and they moved to their seats.

“Thank you very much for that speech and the translation. Now, since it is now noon, it is time to start the swearing in of our President Election, who has requested we summon him for this event. Our Doctors of Demonology Amihan Ocampo and Lucka Flemming will now begin the summoning. Doctors, if you will please?”

To the left of the podium a giant summoning circle was drawn of white chalk, beeswax candles, and several sigils and runes added for pizazz.

“Domine, et Patron et omnes male habentes Rogamus autem vos recognitionem Auxiliator tuus nunc quaerimus, a sanguine ad sanguinem, dare sanguine nos et viscera quae daemon clamo ausculto O magnum Domini, Brian Dominous Organ Duck!” The chanted walking counterclockwise around his circle, each cutting their hand with a silver blade to draw blood.

As the blood hit the circle it sizzled and turned to black smoke, slowly turning thick and congealing into the shape of an average duck. The smoke fizzling with electricity, smells of acid, gasoline, raw sewage, sulfur, and rotting fish filled the air. Brain’s material form took shape in the center of the summoning circle, his body a mess of organs most noticeably a liver and a pair of lungs. He stood proud neck and beak pointed high wings relaxed.

The blood from his summoners, in addition to the promise of a dead cow’s brain from his campaign manager which was agreed upon the previous night, Brian exited the circle. The crowd in hushed aw, he waddled over to the podium levitating himself to stand on top. Chief Justice Red Sky once more nodded her head in thanks to the summoners before focusing her attention to her soon to be President.

“President Elect, Brian the Organ Duck,” she began, “today we are honored to welcome you into a club, a gathering of minds and personalities the likes of which can be compared to no other. Today we welcome you into the Presidency as our 53rd President of the United States of America.” The crowd erupted into raucous applause.

She stood to face him as apposed to next to him as she had been, shoulders stiff underneath her grey blazer, hands wanting nothing more than to clench and wrinkle her deep maroon skirt. “President Elect, if you are ready, we would now know like to commence with the swearing in of your inauguration.”

“I͠ ̛a҉m͠ ́read͡y̨ ͘Ch͘ie͏f̢ ҉J̵u҉st̢ic͝e ͠T͡he͠o̸d̛o̕si͝a̡ R̶ed͟ S̶k̨y͜. ͘I ͞have͢ ̕bee͞n͡ ̛w̶áit͞i͟ng fơr ̕t̴h̀i̡s ̡m͏o͘m͜ent҉ ̕sin҉c̶e ́my͏ ͝v̨i̵c͏tor̛y ͏i͜n̶ N͞o̵v͘em͞bér.͝ ̴A vict̶o҉ŕy͜ m͢a̵d͝e ͜po͠ssible̡ by ̛t́h̨e͟ w̸a̴n̛ts of҉ ͝t̛he ̛pe͢op͡l̢e̷.”

From the back of the stage, a member of the secret service detail came forward with a book. A book bound in fading red leather, golden metal edging, and a golden six fingered hand with a “3” scrawled a top it taking place of a title. A book to take the place of a bible or law book. A book to be sworn on. A book which held off the apocalypse. A book that… well, more so a journal really.

The Chief Justice book the book from them and held it in front of Organ Duck, had him place a non-dripping wing placed above it, and spoke into the microphone address not just the audience, but the world.

“I,͠ ͡B͟ri̕an th̕e ͟O͜r͘ga͠ǹ Duck͞, P͜a͘t͘ron ͜Dem͡ón͝ ̀of th̶e̕ ̵Si̢ck ̛and ̵Íll,͠ ̶do s͞o so͜l̡e͠l͘y sweár̡ ͘u̵nde̛r͠ c͡on̷t̸ra͠c̶t by mak͘ìn̶g óf ḿy ҉o͠ẁn̛ ͡an̷d͏ with̢ t̸he a͠s̵s̢i͠st͘a͘nce̢ ͜of ͏t͡h͢e ͠C̸ong̨ress̨iońa̵l ̨C͟om͜mitt̵e̵es̸, t͘o se̛rve͜ ͜a̢s the President ̡ơf͟ the ̷Ųni̧ted́ Sta͏t̶e͝s ́to͜ f̕ait͜hfu̴l̴ly c͢ar҉r̵y̵o͡u̸t ̀by du͝ti͏e̸s,̸ a̕n͢d to̶ ͏the b̴es̷t of̷ my ̵ab̴i̶li͘t̴y͠, ̧pr̡eserve, p̀ŗote̷c͠t̷, a͘n̢d ͘def́en͘d ̷thę ҉C͢o͟n͠sti͝tu̴tio̷n o̴f̛ th͟e U͜n̴i̴ted ́Stat҉es. ̶Ì ̧e̴n͘ter ͘i͏n͝to͝ thi͢s c͞ontrácţ ͟by ̴w͝i͢ļl̵ of̡ m̧y own ̢àft͡er͞ ̶the ̡peo͡ṕlę ̸o͏f tḩis ͟n̢àt͜i͏on̡ ma͞d̷e͜ its wi̴sh ̶k͞n̛own̷ ͘t̸o ͏h͘a̸ve ̡me͏ l̀ea̢d.͢ ̶I śeal̀ m̶y ͢ ̢s҉elf ̶in͜to ͠th͢is͢ ̷co͢n̨t͘r͟a͟c̷t of fre͜e҉ ͏wil̕l͜ ̡f̸o̧r t͟he̵ n̴ext̀ foųr̷ ͘ye̵a̵r̴s̶,̶ ̛a͘nd̀ ́t͢he̷n ̡a̵n͞ add̶ition̷al̶ ͞four̶ ҉sho̷u̢ld r͜e-͝el͘ec̀ti͡on̶ ̧b͝e ch͞o̕se̶n. ͠Wh̀e̡n͜ ͜th̨e t͝ime̕ c̨omes̢ t̢o v͡ac͘a͝te ҉m͝y of̸f̨i͠ce I͟ ͏sh̶al̷l ̧d̨ơ ̀so i̶n͢ ̸the sam̢e ̀way ͡I ͟en̢t͡ere̷d͏ it̴.̧ ̷By҉ ͡the ͡power ơf̸ t̵he ̕D͝ręam͞ben͏d̶er͢’͏s I͏ swear ̵to th́ís bind͞i̶ng ͠co̢n̡tr̀a͟ct, an͡d͘ ̵so ̀sh̷al҉l͠ ̸sȩt̶ ́t̴h̡e̷ deal͡.”

“Peoples of the United States of America and the World,” Chief Justice Red Sky announced, “It is by the powers vested in me by the United States of America that today January 20th, 2085, I give you our 53rd President of the United States; President Brian the Organ Duck Patron Demon of all the Sick and Ill!”

* * *

 

January 2, 2085

Portland, Oregon

Vivi was bringing in the mail, circulars, ads, two new magazines, an electric bill, 4 letters addressed to Don Pines, and one invitation printed on a heavy card stock addressed to both Vivienne and Henry Pines.

“Hey Hank?” Vivi called from the entry, “we got a letter for a thing!”

She rounded a corner into the living room and found him on the couch.

“What’s it for?”

“Dunno, official looking stuff.” Other mail placed on the coffee table, and situated next to her husband she opened it and read.

“The presidential inaugural committee requests the honor of your presence to attend and participate in the inauguration!” She squeaked out lightly shaking Hank’s shoulder.

“I don’t think we should go Vivi.”

“Oh we are going Hank. We are going.”

“But the Dinner Crew-“

“The Dinner Crew wants us to go Hank.”

“We just g-"

“Trust me Hank,” she said turning to face him and squeezed his between her hands, “everyone wants us to go.”

* * *

 

January 9, 2085

Portland Tribune

Headline: Don Pines and Wife to Attend Presidential Inauguration

* * *

 

Dipper felt someone tugging on his mind for attention. Not a summoning per se, but more a call for assistance, not nearly as strong as a call from Mabel or any of his family or friends though. He was intrigued. There where no summons to answer, none of the triplets needed him, and Mabel and Henry were out grocery shopping. Henry instead on going with her this time. Last time, last time did not go well. Dipper was bored, and so he followed the call.

“ A̱̮̥͎̠ͭ̌͋̃͑͗l̦̖̯ͮ̚c̱͇̜̅̆̎̚o̤̒̔̓ͅr̪̤͖͐ͦ̒̑͊̇.” the caller’s voice said.

Dipper felt his back tighten and arms turn to lead. Brian. This was Brian’s voice.

“H-hey Organ Duck,” he replied nervously. He wouldn’t lie, the organs and the dripping unknown fluids always unnerved him. Him the most powerful demon in existence.

“Aͫ̃ͣl̏c̏ͧ͂ͨ̎o̍̅̇̐ͪ̚rͯ̃̽͗̃ ̑͂͂͌̿t̽̽͂̂̆͋h̿ͪ͆ͯͣ̂̿eͫ̇̌ ͋ͪ̈̊ͭͩͦD̃ͨ̋̀̎rͫ̓ͦͮ̃ͤeͬa̾m̓ͦb̅̈e̎nͩ͌̂d̈́ͮ͐eͩrͦ̃͂̂ͮ,ͯͩ̄ ͆ͣ̄͗ͨ̃I͌̅ ͯ̀͛̋r̔ͥeͩ̀q̌̾̑ͥ̇u͂͂̒̋e͆̄̔s͌t̓͊̒̽ ̈youͭ̉̈́ͬ̉r̈ͨ̆͌ͮ̓ ̑́̇inͩ̅ͣsiͭ͗͗̎̑̂̅g̃͂̌̾̚hṫ͂͑ ̍ͧḯ͂̆ñt̒͒̈́ͤ̇̍͊oͥ́ͯͮͫ ͧ̏̌̃̃͆aͫ͊͑ ͫ̽ͫ̾̔̂͋mͪ̆̾̓̂ͥȁ͊͆̃tͨt͂ͦ̔ͦ̆e͛ͪ̄r͌.”

“Yep. Sure thing buddy. Whad’ya need?”

“I háv͞e͘ ҉w͜on͝ th͘e P̕re͢side͘n͜ti̴ál ̶Èl͢e̷c̛t͝io͞n͞.” “Oh yeah! I saw that Brian! Congratulations! Mizar was really excited.” _Tell me what you need Brian_ , he thought to himself, _please tell me whatever you need I will do it_.

“T͟h͞an̨k ͜y̛ou̕ D̨r̵ęam̡bende͡r.” Dipper smiled and bobbed his head. _What do you want?!_

“M̕y ina̴ug̛u̶r͝atio͏n̕ i͞s in͏ a͜ m̧on̛t̷h̢s t҉ime.” Brian paused, “T̮h̩̰̳̼̪̱ey͚̮̳͍͙̰̗ ̬̞͎̹̞͕ha͚v̯̰̮̞͕͉e͇͚̻̤̝ r͉̲̪̹e̯̰̝̼͕q̣u̩͓̣̰͇͇es͎̫̗̦̘͖͕t̟̼̱̺͚e̼̳̭̻̗d̬̥̹̤̺ ͔̪͙I̮ͅ ̙̲͔̮̯̖̭b͚ͅr̺͇͈͔̦in̫̼g̭̖̻ ͙͖͎͇̣̜̫a̖ ̻̬b̺̝̟̟o̗̝͈͔̭̺o̲k͈̼͙͔ ͙͕̠̦o̯͇̲̭͔̠ͅf͉̳̺͔ ̙̣͈̥̗̦s̼̮̲o̞̟̺r̘̺̗̦t̖̱s̲̟͙̙͇ͅ ̱̰̣ ̣͚̭͖̺͖f̖̜̪͈̞o͈̼r̯̳̤͖͖͎̻ ͔͚͙t̤͇̼̣̳̠he͎̣͓̻ ͕͔s̪̪w̘̰͈̬͚e͉̥̞a̮͈͎r̬̩i̭̞̮̼̤͔ng i͔͙̺̗n̫̰͙͔͓̙̼ ͇̮̪̭̖̝o̖̲͇͓f̙̺̣̗̭͚ t̻̘̪̗͇h̥̮̗͇̙̼e͕̯̭͕͙͓͎ ̞̯͉͖̫̲c̤͙̝͎̩er͈͔̻̙̙͉͔emo͈̼̠͍̬̤ͅn̲̠y̩.”

“A book?” His body went crooked in the air, hand resting questioningly on his chin. “Anything specific?”

“The̷y͡ ha͠v̷e u͘s͘ȩd a ̨b̴i͜ble͟ or l̡aw̨ ҉bòo̢ḱ ͝for ͢ce͟ņt͞uri̷e͠s̕.”

“Why not use that?”

“I̶t͞ would̢ f́eel,” Brian’s body slumped causing more goo to ooze out, “un̈͝s̴̅a͘t̕ȉ͑͌̈́̓͌̃̕s̀ͥͦfaͦ̈̀cͩtͥ̉ͯ̒ͣͭ̑ǫͣ̔̋̊̋ŗ̈͛̄͛̋͋y̎͘.”

“A book. A book…Brian I know exactly what book you should use.” A smile grew from his face stretching to his ears. “You can borrow it, but I do have two conditions.” Brian cocked his head, the ooze stilling.

“First I need you to return it to me in the same condition I lent it to you in, and secondly I need you to send an invitation for your inauguration to someone…”

**Author's Note:**

> Summoning incantation for Brian the Organ Duck:
> 
> English:  
> Oh Lord Patron of all that Ails(of all the sick),  
> We seek your attention(we ask you recognition),  
> For your assistance now we seek(we ask for your help now)  
> From blood to blood  
> Blood we give  
> demon of viscera  
> Hear our call  
> oh great lord  
> Lord Brian the Organ Duck
> 
> Latin:  
> Domine, et Patron  
> et omnes male habentes  
> Rogamus autem vos recognitionem  
> Auxiliator tuus nunc quaerimus,  
> a sanguine ad sanguinem,  
> dare sanguine nos  
> et viscera quae daemon  
> clamo ausculto  
> O magnum Domini,  
> Brian Dominous Organ Duck!
> 
> Let me know if any of you need Zalgo translations, I'd be more than happy to post them for you!


End file.
